It's complicated, It's love.

I just came from coffee with a friend who was sharing another chapter of her journey with one of her children. It's a long, painful, exhausting journey, and it just added another chapter of more pain. Nothing grieves like a parents love. All of our hopes and dreams are mixed with deep, deep love for our children. Unfortunately, all that love, all those hopes and dreams, are not a recipe for success, or even happiness.
It really makes me ponder what love is. It seems an odd pondering because at almost 55 years old, one would think I would have a handle on, or at the very least a clear definition for love. Nope. It seems the older I get the less I know about love, especially about the kind of love spoken about in scripture.

 I think I have decided a few things;

Love is seldom unconditional. We are not God and therefore do not seem to have the gift of giving unconditional love. For us to be healthy, functioning individuals we need to have some boundaries, and that alone makes our love conditional. So as much as I want to, I think I may not be capable of unconditional love. I would like to be though. Does that count?

I doubt there is a greater pain than for someone to use the fact that you love them, as a weapon to inflict a wound on you. It is such a low blow on so many levels. Of course Love will disappoint, but a deliberate attack, well, that's just so painful and and such a deep wound, it's very difficult to recover from.

Next after that would be folks that use the love you hold for them to simply use you. As soon as you are no longer needed, swoosh, your out.

Not all love is returned. In a family, or in a relationship.

Love is defined differently for folks. They may love you, but not in a way you can understand it. It seems to me one of the keys to success would be a love language class...

Love that divides, or separates people is not love. Love unifies, not divides.

Some folks will use your love to score an advantage. This may happen more in a family structure. Just because you are "family" doesn't mean that emotional connections run both ways. Some families are notorious for using each other to gain some "advantage" within the structure. I throw you under the bus, you look bad, I look good. What's the problem with that??

Christians can use love as a cover to qualify what might be called "co-dependent" behavior. I am guilty of this, to be sure.

So love is a risk. Just because our children hurt us, doesn't mean we don't still love them. It may grieve us deeply, but sometimes we do have to place boundaries in place to protect us, even from folks we love. How sad is that.
My friend and I decided, even though it hurts, love is worth the risk. We may screw it up, but if we keep practicing, one day we may get even a piece of it right.
K