How big is God?

Do you ever get Angry? Sure you do. We all do. Do you ever get angry with God? Well...that's a whole different question isn't it? It seems people get a little nervous and uncomfortable when it comes to that basic emotion being directed at God. I was in a situation recently where someone was discussing their anger at God. They said, "while I might get mad at God, I'm very careful not to get mad at Jesus."  Of course, being who I am, I responded with, "I'm not really interested in a God that isn't big enough to deal with my anger."  ... It didn't really go over well. *sigh*

Now, not that I'm angry often but I can clearly identify several times when I was very, very angry with God. And I wasn't one of the hairsplitters either. I went with full force in my anger toward the Trinity, all three of 'em. (I'm certain this explains oh so much about my life to those that know me well) Maybe I'm not smart enough to know better, or maybe God takes pity on me, but I feel safe being exactly who I am with God. I mean really, God knew all about me before I acknowledged He existed, so what else could I possibly throw at the divinity? What could be more insulting or painful to the trinity than me thinking there really wasn't a God at all.  I couldn't really go any lower than that now, could I?

So from my perspective, if God still loved me when I was in the darkest, most vile place...if God still saw worth in me then, and not only saw worth in me, but extended the ultimate act of love, well, that's a pretty big God, and I'm pretty darn confident that the feelings and emotions that live inside me are truly not a surprise. (Wow, that's a really long sentence)  Seriously, what would be point in being in a relationship with a God you can't be honest with?  I'm not really interested in, and don't see much use for, that kind of a god. If I have to clean my emotional or spiritual self up, and pretend to be better, "nicer", or "more spiritual" than I am, haven't I missed one of the key points of God's love?  Isn't one of the main objectives of God's love to grow me into who I was created to be? How can I do that or get that, if I'm busy trying to pretend I have it all together and don't need that work, that love.  It seems so confusing and counterproductive.

Not that I mean to take advantage of the Grace and Love extended to me, mind you. I do try to take my life seriously and live responsibly as a Jesus follower. I know I'll mess it up, but I trust in the Goodness of God's love to continue to hold me. I can clearly see where God has been at work in me and I see all to clearly a few of the areas that I need so much more growth in. (I'm sure there are a boatload I haven't a clue about, yet)  So to my way of thinking, any game playing I would try to do with God is sheer nonsense.  I trust God to be bigger than that.  I trust God's love to be bigger than that as well.

I believe God and God's love to be much bigger than my mind can comprehend and I think that's how it's supposed to be.
K
note to self: never, ever, try to blog while Boom is practicing the electric guitar...