Lists and Snapshots

I don't know how inspired I am right now, but I also know that I don't want what happened tonight at Emmaus to pass by without some thought, some reflection.  So, here goes...

Sermon-in-the-round is what we do for a teaching moment within Emmaus Houses' worship experience.  Our focus tonight was on Psalm 15, which is a short 5 verse song/prayer about who is worthy to enter into God's presence; to enter into God's holy sanctuary?  What follows is a six phrases or qualifications for holy living that will get you access to God and God's house/place of worship.  What followed was a lively discussion, filled with laughter, frustration, exasperation, and giggles over who and how one lives a holy life that grants them such access to God and God's blessings.

Bottom line:  Is the list of six qualities of holy living in this psalm prescriptive or is the psalmist providing pictures or snapshots for the community of what holy living looks like and what the community should strive to be about in their living and sharing of life together?

Why do we within the church turn such lists into rules?  Why do we say, if you really are a follower of Jesus and the living God, then you will do everything on this list.  And if you don't, then you're not really a part of what we are about.  Why do we use lists to exclude each other from God's circle instead of using them as pictures to guide our living together and encourage one another toward lives of "holy" living in loving and constructive ways?  Why?

Before we ended our time together around bread and cup, I asked my community of faith to think about what they consider to be "holy" living.  I asked them to think of such qualities as pictures instead of lists.  I want to be able to visualize through their eyes what constitutes "holy" living as Jesus guides our lives together out into the real world where we live and breath and find ourselves day, after day, after day.

Is it easier for you to make a list or follow a list of do's and don'ts or are you a picture person, who finds comfort and encouragement in snapshots of faith and faithful living?  Ponder that this week and let us know what you've discovered.
-M-

How big is God?

Do you ever get Angry? Sure you do. We all do. Do you ever get angry with God? Well...that's a whole different question isn't it? It seems people get a little nervous and uncomfortable when it comes to that basic emotion being directed at God. I was in a situation recently where someone was discussing their anger at God. They said, "while I might get mad at God, I'm very careful not to get mad at Jesus."  Of course, being who I am, I responded with, "I'm not really interested in a God that isn't big enough to deal with my anger."  ... It didn't really go over well. *sigh*

Now, not that I'm angry often but I can clearly identify several times when I was very, very angry with God. And I wasn't one of the hairsplitters either. I went with full force in my anger toward the Trinity, all three of 'em. (I'm certain this explains oh so much about my life to those that know me well) Maybe I'm not smart enough to know better, or maybe God takes pity on me, but I feel safe being exactly who I am with God. I mean really, God knew all about me before I acknowledged He existed, so what else could I possibly throw at the divinity? What could be more insulting or painful to the trinity than me thinking there really wasn't a God at all.  I couldn't really go any lower than that now, could I?

So from my perspective, if God still loved me when I was in the darkest, most vile place...if God still saw worth in me then, and not only saw worth in me, but extended the ultimate act of love, well, that's a pretty big God, and I'm pretty darn confident that the feelings and emotions that live inside me are truly not a surprise. (Wow, that's a really long sentence)  Seriously, what would be point in being in a relationship with a God you can't be honest with?  I'm not really interested in, and don't see much use for, that kind of a god. If I have to clean my emotional or spiritual self up, and pretend to be better, "nicer", or "more spiritual" than I am, haven't I missed one of the key points of God's love?  Isn't one of the main objectives of God's love to grow me into who I was created to be? How can I do that or get that, if I'm busy trying to pretend I have it all together and don't need that work, that love.  It seems so confusing and counterproductive.

Not that I mean to take advantage of the Grace and Love extended to me, mind you. I do try to take my life seriously and live responsibly as a Jesus follower. I know I'll mess it up, but I trust in the Goodness of God's love to continue to hold me. I can clearly see where God has been at work in me and I see all to clearly a few of the areas that I need so much more growth in. (I'm sure there are a boatload I haven't a clue about, yet)  So to my way of thinking, any game playing I would try to do with God is sheer nonsense.  I trust God to be bigger than that.  I trust God's love to be bigger than that as well.

I believe God and God's love to be much bigger than my mind can comprehend and I think that's how it's supposed to be.
K
note to self: never, ever, try to blog while Boom is practicing the electric guitar...

Off the mark

I've been a little off my mark all day today. It started when I checked the news this morning and read about the bombing in the Moscow airport. My heart sank and I felt such a deep sadness. Tucson, Moscow... so close together. So much pain, such a broken world.


I eventually made myself get some much needed paperwork done and began running errands. Errands. The dread of a day off. Each stop today someone had their own version of news to share with me. One person struggling with huge health issues, another with a financial crisis due to this weird economy.  Bad news, bad news, bad news. AARRRGGGHH!  The struggle is overwhelming some days. These weren't "drama" kinds of stories, they were the real muck and stuff of life. Our world is not an easy place to hang out.


When I finally got home I read these words;


We live in a world where loneliness has become one of the most painful human wounds. It is a place where there are no questions and therefore no answers...


and then;


Love will always have a fragile character. It cannot be regulated or sustained by structures, rules or commitments. It can only be sustained by continuing acts of love which are marked by gentleness, care, openness and trust.


both from Charles Ringma in Dare to Journey with Henri Nouwen


Loneliness and love. I can't help but wonder how loneliness or a need to belong contributed to both recent tragedies. And of course, my next thought was; were acts of gentleness, care, openness and trust shown? Oh I pray so. The bigger question probably is; did I show them today? Was I available and present (so that I could connect) for each story shared or was I thinking of my long list of errands... I know I was not present in Moscow or Tucson, but I was physically present for each story today. Was I emotionally and spiritually there?  Each story I was told had the similar life changing implications in their lives. 


I want to be, my desire is to be, present... prayerful and connected. Why does it seem so difficult? Lord help me live your love. I seem to be off the mark.
K

Uniqueness

Tonight in church Mark did something a little different; he had us write something unique about ourselves on a snowflake we cut out, along with something that can lead us to a meltdown. Being human, of course, there were lots of things we could think of in the negative category, but the positive... well, that's more difficult. What do I honestly think is good or unique about me? Not toot my own horn stuff, but genuine, honestly unique and good about me. Now that took some thinking.

After we finished this exercise, we shared in the circle what we had down for ourselves, and others were able to add what they saw in us to the uniqueness of who we are. It was a touching, powerful time. Strange isn't it that we seldom take the time to comment on the divine we see in those around us. The selfless actions, the kindness and otherly-minded attitudes those in our circle display daily. We may very well come away from an encounter having been the recipient of grace, mercy, wisdom or some other form of divinity, but our busy-ness, or our own chaos and turmoil, often prevents us from letting them know the gift that they are.

I would like to focus on verbalizing the good and unique qualities I see in those God brings into my circle.  Not in a cheesy, trite or forced way, but an honest, genuine appreciation for what and who they are.  Maybe I can make a shift and develp this as a life skill. Wouldn't that be lovely!
K

The desire

There is within me a desire to run with reckless abandon to the heart of God. To throw off everything that weighs on me and is "reasonable" and dive deeply, head on, fully immersed,  into the mystery, awe and (as Rich Mullens said) be caught in the "reckless raging fury called the love of God".

Then the phone rings...

Or my day begins...

*Sigh*

Occasionally I do get mini-trips to that place though. They are sacred, special times that usually come after a time of rest and prayer and quiet. Is it strange that I can't seem to risk reckless abandon when I'm exhausted? Life today is lived at such a crazed pace. It seems all we can do to get the top ten "must do's" off our list to rush home, cook supper, make sure homework gets done, clean the bathroom, laundry for the next day... Well, you get the idea. 

I  wonder, who would I be if I sat still? Would I really be brave enough to be "all in" with God? Is the thought of being fully immersed in God more attractive than the reality? Do I know anyone that's all in? Would anybody like me? Maybe I would just be too weird.

And yet, it is there, that desire within me to run with reckless abandon to the heart of God.

K

Good News?

Just found out yesterday that my Mom-in-law's cancer numbers dropped again, which is a Woo-Hoo moment.  I responded to this news from Kathleen by saying, "it's about time we get some good news around here!"  All of which started this conversation about how our life is not filled with good news the majority of the time.  Why is this?  What have we done to make us people who do not experience good news on a daily or regular basis?  What's wrong with us?  Especially since we consider ourselves pretty honest and open followers of Jesus.  Shouldn't we be people who just ooze good news?

So what constitues good news?  Is it a feeling?  Is it an experience?  Is it some kind of karma-driven thing where my good deeds outweigh my bad ones, so I get some?  Is it as simple as "you reap, what you sow?"  How come folks who seem superficial and shallow in their faith, (see, I can be judgemental), seem to have everything they want in life, while I seem blind to or devoid of good news?  Why is that?  Have I offended God?  Is there something about how Kathleen and I live our lives, that my reaction to mom-in-laws cancer numbers seemed out-of-place?  It was almost as if we automatically expect the worst, because, after all, it is OUR life we're talking about...A little perspective would be great right about now.

The only thing that brings me some comfort, is that I know I'm being selfish.  I mean, come on, compared to how others in our global village live, I live like one of the rich and famous.  I have a roof over my head, I have lots of space and stuff.  I have clean water.  I have an over-abundance of food to choose from.  I have a car, a computer, a TV, I have way too much, too much.  I have Kathleen, Boomer, the beast and all these amazing collection of friends from diverse walks of life, with different perspectives, experiences, etc about faith, life, living, death, etc.  There is great news in that, not just good.  I have two faith communities that I share life with that are vastly different from one another, but they both are trying to figure out how to live out a life of faith in concrete and real ways.  That's good news too.  For an aging, weight-challenged, white dude, I'm healthy as well.  So?

In Matthew 5:43ff, Jesus gives us a new way of seeing and being in this life with his admonishment to "love our enemies."  We are told that the sun rises for those who do evil as well as those who do good.  That it rains upon the righteous and unrighteous.  That if you only love those who love you, what difference does that make?  We are to love as God loves, which is fully and completely.  So maybe good news is just that.  The good news is Love, not only receiving it; not only giving it to your peeps who love you back, but also to the other: asking if you have any spare change; the lady driving the SUV while drinking her latte and talking on her cell phone, who just cut you off; the broken relationship that you've never taken care of...you get the idea.  Maybe I experience good news more than I realize.  Maybe it is all around me, I just don't have the eyes and spirit and attitude to see it and experience.  Maybe...

I wonder what is "good news" for you?
-M-

Who am I anyway?

Most people that know me would say I'm fairly stable, centered and assured as human beings go. Sometimes I actually feel that way about myself too, however most of the time I feel like a mess. A giant failure. An ever churning whirlwind of chaos only pausing now and again to increase in intensity. I feel broken, messy and disposable.

Now before you send me off to years of therapy for work on my self image or depression, I need to tell you that while I do indeed feel all those things lots of the time, those feelings aren't the end of my story nor are they the final definition of who I am. Oh no, I am far more complex and convoluted than a simple self image problem!

You see, I didn't grow up in a house where faith was a part of our daily life. I was a young adult before what I would call "the divine" intersected my life. That single intersection caused a massive paradigm shift for me. So while I am keenly aware of my broken and selfish, mess of a self, I am also continually amazed that the divine resides in me too! Who knew? And it lives there in the midst of that mess. How is that possible? The divine and the mess. What a paradox. I am a walking, talking, living, breathing paradox. Impressive, isn't it?

Tonight in church Mark asked us what we want to be about. Of course my first thought was "I don't want to be a mess anymore" but as I thought about it further, that's where the divine is at work in me. (Well, maybe that's where I see the divine at work in me.) I know it's at work because while I am not yet who I was created to be, I am clearly not who I once was. Nothing is happening overnight here. For me, it has been a slow, step by baby step, movement. So while I would love to be "all cleaned up" and have a tidy life that radiates the divine from all sides like a glow stick, I think the messy part of me may be important. That's where I have to make those tough decisions about who I am and what I am going to be about.

Poser or real?
Selfish or selfless?  

There is the tough work.
K